I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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