That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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