This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I want to be your penis for a week.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yβall did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.π
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I do have a moral compass! I canβt help it if it only points at penises
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