my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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