we have pet lesbian snakes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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