You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize