Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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