just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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