I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
