Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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