Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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