don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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