It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
