Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this is an emotional support booty call
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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