My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
