So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
