Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
