grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
