I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
