Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
