I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
