Screwed.edu
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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