Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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