Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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