She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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