I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
