I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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