wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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