woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
