I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
