can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
