It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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