what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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