ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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