The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
