she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
