Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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