just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
try to milk me bitch
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