first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
