seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
