You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
