Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
