Its about making memories worth repressing
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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