Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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