hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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