rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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