Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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