I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize