Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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