My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
