I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
