Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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