Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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