I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
