I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bring me that man meat
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
