I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
