I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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