I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I would fuck him just for his dog
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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