So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
