it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
