weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
