its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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