like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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