Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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