whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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