There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you inspire me to be a worse person
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
