Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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