you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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