she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
