Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
