let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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