Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want is dick and wine.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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