i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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