Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
