walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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