you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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