Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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