Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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