absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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