After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
