i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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