Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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