I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
