O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
