I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
