Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
