I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
