you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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