I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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