Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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