I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
