Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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