foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
