hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
