After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
