I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize