I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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