i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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