Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
