yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Randomize
