My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
