yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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