Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
