Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
